How to address wedding invitations: names, titles, families

Address a wedding invitation with the full names of everyone who is invited, and nobody else. That single rule settles most questions: whoever is named is invited, whoever is not named is not, and guests read the names more carefully than anything else on the invitation. The forms below are the conventions for each kind of guest, traditional first and then modern.

On a printed invitation the names go on the envelope. On a digital one they go in the message you send with the link, and the reply then asks for the names of everyone coming, so you can check them against the people you invited.

How do you address a married couple?

• Traditional: Mr. and Mrs. James Porter
• Modern and the safest default: Emma and James Porter (or James and Emma Porter)
• Different surnames: Ms. Emma Collins and Mr. James Porter, or simply Emma Collins and James Porter
• Two women or two men: Ms. Anna Reyes and Ms. Clara Reyes, or Anna and Clara Reyes

Whose name comes first is a matter of habit rather than rule. Traditionally the person you know better goes first; alphabetical order is a neutral choice when you know them equally.

How do you address an unmarried couple?

If they live together, they share one invitation with both full names, on one line or two: "Ms. Chloe Martin and Mr. Lucas Moreau". If they do not live together, each gets their own invitation. Engaged couples are treated the same way as couples who live together, even if they do not yet.

How do you invite a guest with a plus one?

Use the partner's name whenever you know it; it is warmer, and it tells you who to expect. Only when you genuinely do not know who they will bring does "and guest" belong on an invitation: "Mr. Michael Reyes and Guest". On a digital invitation, the reply asks for the name of everyone in a guest's party, which you will need for the seating chart anyway.

How do you invite children?

Name them. Traditionally, children under eighteen are listed beneath their parents, often on the inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Carter, Lily and Noah". Adult children who live at home should get their own invitation. Avoid "and family" unless you truly mean everyone in the household, because guests will read it generously, and a grandmother who lives with them counts as family.

If your wedding is adults only, the absence of the children's names says it on its own. It helps to say it once more, kindly, on the invitation or your RSVP form so nobody has to ask.

How do you address doctors, judges and military guests?

• One doctor: Dr. Priya Shah and Mr. Arjun Shah
• Both doctors: The Doctors Shah, or Dr. Priya Shah and Dr. Arjun Shah
• A judge: The Honorable Margaret Hale
• Military, in the US: rank and full name, for example Captain Henry Walsh, US Navy
• Clergy: The Reverend Thomas Bennett

Titles are used in full on formal invitations. If you are not sure how someone prefers to be addressed, ask them or someone close to them; people are pleased to be asked, and nobody is pleased to be guessed wrong.

Are there differences outside the US?

Mostly in punctuation. In the UK, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand, titles are usually written without a period: Mr and Mrs Porter, Dr Shah. Formal British invitations often name the guests by hand at the top of the invitation itself rather than on the envelope. The principles, full names and naming everyone invited, are the same everywhere.

Inner and outer envelopes: do you still need them?

Only for very formal printed invitations. The outer envelope carries the formal names and the address; the inner one carries a more familiar form, such as "Aunt Ruth and Uncle Bill", and the children's names. Most couples now use a single envelope, and a digital invitation has no envelope at all, so the greeting does that work.

The names are the part of the invitation every guest reads twice. Get them exactly right, and the rest is forgiven.