Wedding invitation etiquette: dress code, gifts and what to leave off
The etiquette around the words: what every invitation must say, how to put a dress code without sounding stern, how to mention money, and what should never go on an invitation at all.
The short version
- Every invitation must answer who, what, when and where, plus how and by when to reply.
- Spell out the month and give the time the ceremony actually starts.
- Say the dress code plainly, and mention gifts once, gently, low on the page.
- Leave off anything that sounds like a rule for guests rather than an invitation to them.
Invitation wording is the part couples rewrite eleven times and then send the first version anyway. It helps to know what the words are doing: an invitation has to answer who, what, when and where, and everything beyond that is tone.
The five things every invitation must say
- Who is getting married: both full names
- Who is inviting: the couple, or the couple's parents
- The date, written out in full so it cannot be misread
- The time the ceremony starts, not the time you would like people to arrive
- Where: the venue name and enough address to find it
Write the date with the month spelled out. This matters more than it used to: guests traveling from countries that read 06/07 as June 7 and guests from countries that read it as July 6 will both be on your list, and a written date removes the problem entirely.
Who does the inviting
The opening line names whoever is hosting, and by long convention hosting means paying, which is why it is the line families argue about. If nobody is clearly hosting, or the split is complicated, “together with their families” removes the question entirely and nobody has to be counted. Complete wedding invitation wording for every version of that first line, from the fully traditional to the entirely relaxed, is set out with examples you can copy.
Whatever you choose, send one version to everybody. Different wording to different sides of the family is the one shortcut that always comes back.
Second marriages, and weddings with children
There is no special formula and no need for one. If children are part of the family you are making, saying so is lovely: together with their children, or a line naming them. If a parent has died, some couples include a quiet acknowledgement; others keep the invitation for the living and hold the remembrance for the ceremony. Both are right.
Dress code, without sounding stern
- Black tie: say it plainly; people would rather know
- Formal or cocktail: a suit and a dress, no gown required
- Garden party: flat shoes advised, and mean it if the lawn is soft
- Come as you are: only if you truly mean it, because some guests will
One line is enough. A paragraph explaining the dress code reads as an instruction rather than an invitation.
The line about gifts
If you would rather have money toward a honeymoon than a fourth toaster, say so gently and once. Something like: your presence is the gift; if you would like to give something more, a contribution toward our honeymoon would mean a great deal. Never put it in bold, and never put it near the top.
What to leave off entirely
- Anything about who is not invited, since that conversation happens person to person
- The reception venue's full postal address in the body text; put it in the schedule
- A long explanation of the timings; a schedule block does this better
- Registry links in the invitation itself, unless local custom expects it
A digital invitation is forgiving here, because everything you leave out of the opening can still live further down the page where a guest looks for it deliberately.
Common questions
How should we write the date on a wedding invitation?
Spell the month out: Saturday, June 14, 2027, rather than 14/06/2027. Guests traveling from different countries read numeric dates in different orders, and a written month removes any chance of somebody arriving on the wrong day.
What time should we put on the invitation?
The time the ceremony actually begins. If you want people seated beforehand, put that in the schedule as a separate line, such as guests seated by 3:45 PM, rather than moving the ceremony time earlier and hoping.
How do we ask for money instead of gifts?
Say it once, gently, and low down on the invitation: that their presence is the gift, and that if they would like to give something, a contribution toward the honeymoon would be appreciated. Do not emphasize it, and do not put it near the top.
Ready to write yours?
Copy the wording, add your names, and send it as an invitation your guests can reply to on the spot.
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