Just engaged? What to do first, and what can wait

Right after getting engaged, tell the people closest to you, enjoy it, and then make three decisions before you book anything: roughly what you want to spend, roughly how many people you want there, and roughly when. Almost every other choice depends on those three, and couples who skip them tend to fall in love with a venue they cannot fill or cannot afford.

Who should you tell first?

Parents and siblings, then grandparents and your closest friends, by phone or in person, before anything goes online. It is a small courtesy that people remember for years. Then post it, if you want to; that is the moment the questions about the date will start.

What are the first three decisions?

• A budget range: what you can spend without debt, including any family contributions you have actually been offered
• A guest count range: under 30, around 75, or 150 and up. Each one is a different kind of wedding
• A season, or a year: it decides what venues are free and what you will pay for them

Decide them together, the two of you, before involving parents. Families have opinions about all three, and it is much easier to hear those opinions when you already agree with each other.

Why does the venue come before everything else?

Because it fixes the date, the guest limit and the largest single cost. Photographers, bands and caterers are booked for a date at a place; until you have both, you cannot book them. Popular venues are often booked a year or more ahead for summer Saturdays, so this is the one booking worth starting early.

What can wait?

• The dress or suit: most need six to nine months, not fifteen
• The color palette and the theme, which follow from the venue anyway
• Asking the wedding party: wait until you know the date and the size
• Favors, signage and anything printed
• The honeymoon, until the date is set

Should you send save the dates straight away?

Not until the venue and the date are confirmed in writing. Once they are, telling guests early is a kindness, especially if they need to travel. A digital save the date is the easiest way, because the same link can later become the full invitation.

How do you keep the planning in one place?

Choose one shared place for the guest list, the budget and the to-do list, and use it from the first week. Couples who start in three different notes apps spend month four merging them. It does not matter whether it is a spreadsheet or a planner app, as long as both of you can see it.

Budget, guest count, season. Agree those three, and every other decision gets smaller.