Choosing a first dance song you will still like in ten years
How to pick one, why length matters more than you think, and the practical detail almost every couple gets wrong.
The short version
- Keep the first dance to two or three minutes; agree a fade with the band or DJ if the song is longer.
- Check the tempo and read the whole lyric before deciding.
- A song that means something to the two of you beats a better song that means nothing.
- Send the band or DJ the exact recording, not just the title.
The first dance is ninety seconds of your life that you will watch on video repeatedly. Choosing the song is less about taste than about three practical things nobody mentions.
One: length
Four minutes is a very long time to dance in front of a hundred people. Somewhere between two and three minutes is comfortable; beyond three, couples start looking at the band.
If the song you love runs to five minutes, ask the band or the DJ to fade it, and agree exactly where. Then invite everyone else onto the floor at the fade rather than at the end. The transition is smoother and the last minute stops being a performance.
Two: tempo
A song that is beautiful to listen to is not always possible to move to. Play your candidates and try stepping to them in the kitchen before committing. Anything very slow requires you to actually dance rather than sway, and anything very fast is harder than it looks in a long dress.
Three: the lyrics, all of them
Read the whole lyric, not the chorus you know. A remarkable number of much-loved wedding songs turn out on inspection to be about obsession, leaving, or somebody who is no longer there. Nobody at the wedding will be listening closely, but you will, on the video, for years.
Meaning beats a good song
The song that was playing when you met beats the objectively better song every time. It does not need to be a love song, and it does not need to be one anybody else would choose. That is rather the point.
The practical detail couples get wrong
Send the exact version to whoever is playing it: the specific recording, not the title. Live versions, radio edits and remasters differ in length and arrangement, and discovering that at 9 p.m. is the wrong moment.
If a band is playing it live, ask to hear their version well in advance, and agree the key. And whatever you choose, give the DJ a do-not-play list as well. It saves more evenings than the request list does.
Pick the song that means something. Then check how long it is, because meaning does not help at minute four.
Common questions
How long should a first dance song be?
Two to three minutes. Four is a very long time to dance in front of a room. If the song you want is longer, agree a fade with the band or DJ and invite everybody else onto the floor at the fade rather than at the end.
Does the first dance song have to be a love song?
No. The song that was playing when you met, or one that simply means something to the two of you, works better than an objectively better song that means nothing. Do read the whole lyric first, though, because a surprising number of wedding favorites are about leaving.
What should we send to the band or DJ?
The exact recording, not just the title. Live versions, radio edits and remasters differ in length and arrangement, and finding that out on the night is too late.
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